You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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