the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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