she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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