Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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