yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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