I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
