I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you never un-have a 4some
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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