Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!