just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".