can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.