apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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