just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
