Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
