You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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