so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
