seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
