Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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