took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
