It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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