your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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