Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my poor anus
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
