so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
