I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
