it glows. i had to have it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
