if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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