Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
