My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
