I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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