I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
