Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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