I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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