So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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