i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
