I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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