i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
