And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
