You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
