I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
