dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
