dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
