how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
