oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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