But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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