I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
