you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just invented taco cereal.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
