i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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