Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
