I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
