there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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