i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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