if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
