her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
