well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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