I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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