I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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