The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
