i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
