She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
