all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
