I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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