It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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