Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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