; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
