I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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