sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
