well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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