Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
